I Wonder

I wonder if they know how much I love them. I wonder if they know that I check on them several times each night before I go to bed. That even if I wake up for a drink of water or a trip to the bathroom, I can not resist the urge to go into their rooms and watch them as they sleep. I wonder if they know that I could sit there all night and listen to the noises they make as they dream. I wonder if I will ever be worthy of the unconditional love they give to me. I wonder if I will ever be able to tell them how much I love them, how I ached for them and prayed for them and knew them before they were my children. How, from the moment they were placed into my arms, I knew that I was meant to be their Mother. I wonder if I will ever be able to express how truly thankful I am for the miracles that are my children.

Sleepy Boy

Oh how I love this sweet, sweet boy!!

If Emma could make us understand....

....I'm fairly certain this is what she would say!

The Toddler's Creed

If I want it, it's mine.

If I give it to you and change my mind later, it's mine.

If I can take it away from you, it's mine.

If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

If it's mine it will never belong to anyone else no matter what.

If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.

If it looks like mine, it's mine.

Even if it is really yours, it's mine.

I tell you this because Emmalee has developed the 'toddler-mine complex.' She's beginning to remind me of the seagulls on 'Finding Nemo' - MINE, MINE, MINE. Everything is hers. And not just things such as toys. Me, Daddy, our laps, the bath. Even today I was taking pictures of Tyler and having her picture taken was "MINE!" So, as you see, she jumped in front of the camera. If you look closely, you can see Tyler's leg. It is actually kind of funny and just goes to show that she is right on target developmentally. I'll be glad when the 'mine' stage goes although that means that she's growing up. Not sure how I feel about that! She is just too funny and I love every moment with her!

Book Review

Have you ever been so taken with a book that after reading the last word you turn the page to make sure that's really it? I finished reading "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult yesterday. It was one of those books that I wasn't ready to see end. I really enjoyed it. It made me cry harder than I have cried in a long time. Although the author uses the "F" word more than I would like, the story is so captivating and engrossing that I can forgive that. I won't give anything away here but if you get the chance, I highly recommend the book. I got it for Christmas along with another of her books and I now plan to read everything she has written. It is authors like this that make the ideas begin to swirl around in my head. I aspire to be as good an author as this and all the others that I admire.

Jodie's husband

This is Jodie's husband Brent. I just blogged... WHO HOO!

Truly Blessed

Do you ever have one of those moments where you want to say something to someone but realize it isn't your place and it would be completely inappropriate? This was my experience last night. I made my weekly Saturday night pilgrimage to Wal-Mart. Which, if I may go off subject for a moment, is a crazy place to be on a Saturday night, (or any night for that matter.) They do their re-stocking at night and it is like an obstacle course to get through the aisles. At any rate, back to my original post. As I was manuvering my cart through the aisles, I came upon a couple, man and woman, who I assume were married. They were next to me at the dairy case and I couldn't help but overhear what was being said. The man was so rude to this woman that I just wanted to backhand him. He was telling her what an idiot she was for not remembering that they already had whatever it was they were looking at at home. She just stood there, looking completely downtrodden and I wanted to reach over and shake her into reality. This man was a total jerk. I saw them in several more aisles and listened as he loudly verbally abused this woman. It occurred to me that if he were so willing to do this in public, how must he treat her at home? I wanted to go over and say something. I wanted to reach over and hug her and tell her that she didn't deserve to be treated this way. I wanted to smack him. I wanted to cry. I wished I had the number to an abuse hotline in my pocket so I could slip it to her when he wasn't looking.

I got home and just hugged my husband. I am truly blessed to be married to my best friend. I am thankful to know that Brent would never treat me this way and I am also thankful to know that I would never allow it. I hope I can instill this same confidence in my children.

Things My Child May Never Do

*Be potty trained by age four.
*Use the proper utensils when eating.
*Speak using proper grammar.
*Learn to write.
*Have friends.
*Be invited to a sleepover.
*Play sports.
*Run a marathon.
*Learn to read.
*Pass school tests.
*Get good grades in school.
*Finish high school.
*Get and/or keep a job.
*Move out of the house.
*Go to college.
*Get married.

These are all things my child may never do and that's okay. Oh, and because Tyler has Down syndrome, he may never do these things either! I have come to realize that even though Emmalee is a "typical" child, there is no guarantee that she will accomplish all these things. And although Tyler has Down syndrome, that doesn't automatically exclude him from doing these things. Tyler has just as much potential as any of my other children or any child for that matter. True, it may take him longer than other children and he may not do it as well as others. But I fully believe that our little boy will be able to do anything he sets his mind to. In fact, we'll expect him to do his best, to work hard and to accomplish all the goals he can! I also know in my heart that his accomplishments will be that much more rewarding for us and for him. What a blessing he is! And Emmalee too! :)

Things I Love

Recently one of my nieces sent me one of those nifty little emails where you fill in the blank about the things you love such as favorite food, favorite music, etc. I decided to take it a little further and write a list of all the things I love. Okay, maybe not all of them but at least a few. :)

*I love clean sheets on my bed and getting into a freshly made bed for the first time.

*I love pb&j sandwiches but only with grape jelly.

*I love watching the snow fall, especially if the flakes are really large and there is no wind.

*I love sitting outside on the first really warm Spring day, knowing that Winter is done and Summer is around the corner.

*I love feeling the first chill of Fall in the air and seeing the first hint of color in the leaves.

*I love Diet Coke and anything chocolate, especially Chocolate Lasagna from Olive Garden.

*I love putting on a pair of pants or a coat and finding money in the pocket.

*I love getting letters in the mail from an old friend I haven't heard from in a long time.

*I love taking clothes out of the dryer and feeling how warm they are. I also love smelling them!

*I love peeking in on my kids when they are playing and listening to them giggle together.

*I love sleeping in.

*I love sleeping, period!

*I love books. There is nothing so satisfying as reading a good book.

*I love going to bookstores or the library.

*I love getting my hair washed at the salon.

*I love the smell of Johnson's Baby Lotion in the pink bottle. I love it even more when it is on a baby.

*I love hearing Brent play the piano.

*I love being able to laugh with my sister. The best part is that we can laugh at nothing and it is still funny!

*I love how excited the kids get when they hear Brent come through the door after a long day at work.

*I love knowing that no matter what may happen, I have a wonderful husband, family and friends who love and support me.

Winter Wonderland

Having grown up in the west, I don't remember ever having anything close to an ice storm or freezing rain. We had snow, lots of it at times, but never ice storms. Thus yesterday was a first for me. It was beautiful in a way but I was also truly thankful that we were able to be at home, warm and safe. I can't imagine having to travel in weather like that. I'm sure yesterday's storm wasn't even all that bad, especially for New York natives. For us it was just a totally different experience. Thought you'd enjoy seeing some pictures. Today we're getting snow and the combination of snow and ice is beautiful. Again I'm glad I don't have to go driving today!!

The Creed of Babies with Down Syndrome

My face may be different

But my feelings the same

I laugh and I cry

And I take pride in my gains

I was sent here among you

To teach you to love

As God in the heavens

Looks down from above

To Him I'm no different

His love knows no bounds

It's those here among you

In cities and towns

That judge me by standards

That man has imparted

But this family I've chosen

Will help me get started

For I'm one of the children

So special and few

That came here to learn

The same lessons as you

That love is acceptance

It must come from the heart

We all have the same purpose

Though not the same start

The Lord gave me life

To live and embrace

And I'll do it as you do

But at my own pace.

Adoption Fundraiser Update!

Oh my goodness! I am so surprised and thankful at the balance of our adoption fundraiser so far. I got an email from Current with our new totals and so far we have earned $218.50!! That means that there was $437.00 in sales. Thank you all so much!!! I can't tell you how much we appreciate your support. As always, please feel free to share the fundraiser info with anyone you think might be interested. Every penny helps!!

The Desire is so Strong!

I can't explain it. It is something you have either felt or you haven't. There are no words to describe the desire to have another child. It's like a little piece of your heart is missing and you suddenly have this overwhelming need to fill it. Somehow or another you know the time is right. It is that time for us. I can't explain it. I just feel like there is this little person out there waiting on us.

The difference for us, as for so many of our friends, is that we can't decide that we want another baby and then start trying and get pregnant and nine months later have our child. It just isn't that way with us. We have a whole different type of pregnancy. :) It is one of varying length...could be a few weeks, could be years. There are a whole different type of questions and circumstances when it comes to adoption. The whole experience is just different. Not in a bad way, necessarily, just different.

So, back to the desire. I am ready. Brent is ready. I am ready now, today, this moment. I want to hear the baby fussing for me in the other room. I want to make bottles and wash newborn clothes. I want to go shopping for a new infant car seat and newborn diapers and tiny socks. I want to sit on the couch and stare at him or her and be in total awe. I want to see the reactions that Collin, Tyler and Emmalee will have to their new little sibling. I want to see Brent holding our child for the first time. I want, I want, I want.....I ache.

I also picture this beautiful child in my mind and always picture another baby with Down syndrome. I know we are meant to adopt another one with that little something extra. I am thrilled and humbled. I pray that I am worthy for another little angel. I pray they come quickly.

The journey continues.....

Adoption Fundraiser

I have had several people email to ask me about our adoption fundraiser. I figured it would be easier if I just go ahead and post the information here. Right now we are doing a fundraiser with Current. Current is great because they give you 50% of your sales! We are hoping to add another child with Down syndrome to our family in 2007. So, if you'd like to contribute to our fundraiser, please go to www.currentfun.com You will choose your items and then proceed to check out. Once you do that, it will ask you to choose your participant state, New York, and choose your organization's name, Gardner Adoption Fund. That's it! Current just put out their new Spring stuff and there are some really cute items in there. Thank you all in advance for your support. Please feel free to pass this along to anyone you think may be interested. I will let you know when we have another fundraiser.

Our Amazing Son!

I'll admit it, I think my kids are pretty darned amazing. They are smart and adorable and wonderful. That said, I need to take a minute to brag about my Tyler. Since Tyler has Down syndrome and is obviously developmentally delayed, all of his new major accomplishments are a big deal around here. He learned to sit up on his own just after his first birthday and we celebrated and cried. He learned to pull himself up and stand in his crib around a year ago and we were again in tears. We realized long ago that Tyler learns many things by watching Emmalee. She has been the best teacher for him. Well, the other night, we were playing in Emmalee's room. She has a little climber/slide in her room, (thanks Sue!) and they love to play in there. Tyler has tried a few times to climb on the slide but usually just hangs out and watches. But not this time! Tyler sat on the floor and watched Emmalee as she climbed up the slide and slid down about a million times. When she was done, he went over and though it took great effort, he climbed up the slide, re-adjusted himself at the top and slid down, all on his own!! I just sat there in amazement. When his little bum hit the floor he cheered and clapped for himself and I cheered along with him. Emmalee gave him five! He was so proud of himself that he did it over and over and over. It got easier each time. I cried tears of joy! I wish I would have grabbed the camera but I know that he will do it again. I am one proud Momma!!!

Resolutions

Each year I tend to set myself up for failure by making a New Year's Resolution. I think we all do it. Each year I resolve the same thing...to lose weight. It never works. The weight stays there and I usually end up gaining instead of losing. How on earth is that fair?? So, this year I am making a different resolution. I figure if I resolve to gain weight instead of losing weight then maybe I can trick myself and I will lose it instead. Seems to make sense to me. So, this year I resolve to gain weight. Wish me luck! :)

Okay, I'm kidding, sort of. I do resolve to do something for myself this year that I should have been doing for awhile. But, it requires that I put myself out there and get out of my comfort zone. That is not easy for me. This year I resolve to work harder on my books. I am going to really search for a publisher or at least figure out how to go about that whole thing. I am scared to death of rejection. However, I also realize that if I don't at least try, I will always wonder. That's worse than putting myself out there. So, here's hoping that by this time next year, I will be a published author. We'll see how it goes. If I become famous, you can all say you knew me when.... *smile*