Saturday, January 30, 2010

Stop. Rewind. Play.

Have you ever wanted to hit rewind on your life? Maybe go back in time to a different day and start again? That's how I have been feeling lately.

So where would I rewind to? December 29, 2007. That's the day we brought Nate home from the hospital. It was two months exactly before Tyler's leukemia diagnosis. It was eight months before I broke both ankles and spent six months in various casts and braces. It was before Brent got sick, before certain other personal trials, before life got totally crazy.

Now I'm not naive enough to believe that we would have zero trials if we were to rewind to that day and start again. Life is about trials. We can't know the good unless we know the bad. I get that. But some days I wonder if we were to rewind if the trials would be the same. Would it all happen exactly as it did? If so, would we handle it differently?

Don't get me wrong. Not every single day has been horrible. We've known a lot of positive these past two years. Brent and I have grown closer as a couple. Tyler has taught us what it means to be strong and to fight. We've had so much help, from so many people. We've met friends that we would never otherwise know. No, it hasn't all been bad.

But some days -- days like today when Brent is sick and in bed and Tyler is fighting a fever and making me worry and Emmalee is struggling to stay in control of her emotions and my house is a disaster and the laundry is planning a hostile takeover and I have a head cold that refuses to give up and all I really want to do is take a much needed vacation -- it is these days that make me wish I could rewind.

Tomorrow will be a better day.


Amy said...

Just let me find the remote and I will gladly rewind it for you!

Jan J. said...

I'm hoping if you could fast forward just a tiny bit all will be getting better and better. I'm reminded of the quote "God will never give me more than I can handle - I just wish he didn't trust me so much!" Hoping and praying for easier and better things ahead!

Sheila said...

Trials come in all forms yet each makes us stronger and wiser. If you do find that magic rewind button hit once for us.