I Enjoy Being A Girl -- NOT!!!

Yep, it's true, sometimes being a girl just plain stinks. Those damn hormones are enough to kill the strongest of men and yet, as women, we get to deal with them day in and day out. PMS stinks. The latest misery in my life with hormones has come about recently. I was late. Late late. Many days late. As a woman who has struggled with infertility for the past eight years, being several days late was like a tiny little miracle. Should I dare to hope? Could it be possible that after all these years, we could be pregnant? After about the sixth day I decided I should head to Walgreen's and buy the ever exciting home pregnancy test. I bought two, just in case. But, being the cheapskate that I am, I bought the Walgreen's, marked-down-on-clearance tests. Brought them home and waited for the next morning. Tested and the test was a dud. Holy cow, a DUD! Not good for a hormonal woman. Took the second test the same day and it was negative. ARRRGGGHHH! Got online, did some research and found out that the Walgreen's, marked-down-on-clearance tests don't detect the pregnancy hormone at low levels. That's what I get for being a cheapskate. Back to Walgreen's I went. More tests, more negative results.

Long story short, I'm not pregnant. It took a trip to the OB/GYN and a blood test to confirm it but, sadly, no miracle baby. Instead, I am left with no explanations as to why this happened. My hormones are all in check. (I'll spare you the gory details.)

Once again, I am left with more questions than answers. This little experience has re-awakened the fertility monster that apparently buried itself deep inside me. The questions rage on, much like my hormones. Was this a sign? Are we supposed to adopt again? Should we head down fertility road again? Am I ready to open myself up to all that hurt, disappointment, anguish, etc? Can my heart handle it?

I wish there were some clear cut answers to all my questions. For now, I will have to trust in my Heavenly Father and His plan for our family. I will have to put my faith in Him and remember that I am not in control. I will pray. I will rely on my husband and his strength as he relies on mine. And, above all, I will praise my Father in Heaven for the beautiful family I have.

I Love You, Brent!

I must admit that I am not current when it comes to music. I don't really listen to the radio much since having children. Instead I tend to fall into listening to the same things over and over; namely 80's music, Brent's music or something sung by an animated character. However, Collin had his MP3 player out and I was scrolling through the songs. I came across 'You Are Loved' by Josh Groban. I have been sitting here for the past 45 minutes listening to it over and over and crying. (Good thing everyone else is in bed!) If you haven't heard this song, you must. It is, without a doubt, the theme song for the love Brent and I share. What an amazing gift that man is in my life. I often wonder what I have done to deserve such love, kindness, acceptance, generosity, friendship, companionship, understanding...the list goes on. I simply can't imagine my life with anyone else. I love you, Honey! Thank you for everything!

Don't give up

It's just the weight of the world

When your heart's heavy

I...I will lift it for you

Don't give up

Because you want to be heard

If silence keeps you

I...I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood

Well I can hear you

Everybody wants to be loved

Don't give up

Because you are loved

Don't give up

It's just the hurt that you hide

When you're lost inside

I...I will be there to find you

Don't give up

Because you want to burn bright

If darkness blinds you

I...I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood

Well I can hear you

Everybody wants to be loved

Don't give up

Because you are loved

You are loved

Don't give up

It's just the weight of the world

Don't give up

Every one needs to be heard

You are loved

Wordless Wednesday

I Love You, Too!

I just had to post this. Emmalee has been saying "I love you" for quite awhile. However, she has only said it as a response to us. But, last night she came up to me out of the blue, gave me a kiss and said "I love you!" (Actually she says "I yuve ooo." It's adorable!) I was shocked, to say the least. I just looked at her and started crying and looked at Brent to make sure he heard it too. It was the sweetest thing. I sure love that child!

Pre-School, Here We Come!!

It's official, our little man will head off to pre-school in September. I can hardly believe it! He had is IEP meeting last Thursday to determine which school he will attend, how many days/hours per week, which therapies he will receive etc. He will go to Mary Cariola Children's Center which is exactly what we had hoped for. He will go to school five days per week, 2.5 hours per day. They will come pick him up each day and he will take the bus to and from school. I am still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he will be gone every day. I have three months to prepare myself! I think it will be most difficult on Emmalee, especially when she sees him leave on the bus. (She's obsessed with school buses!)

Although I am sad that he'll be gone each day, I am so excited and happy for him. I know that he will change and blossom in so many ways. He will have a great time learning and interacting with all the other kids. Mary Cariola has an amazing pre-school program. Tyler will have all his regular therapies while at school -- speech, physical therapy, occupational therapy, etc. Plus, he will start receiving music therapy. Brent and I are very happy about that and we know that Tyler is going to love it!

I spoke with the pre-school director the other morning and asked her how many parents follow the school bus on the first day. She said they actually serve punch and cookies to all the parents that first morning! I'll be there for sure. To be honest, I may follow the bus every morning for awhile. Good thing the school is only a couple miles away from us!!

Happy 3rd Birthday Tyler!!

I can not belive my little boy is three years old today. Where did the time go? How is it possible that he has grown and changed so much already? I have been thinking a lot about our life since Tyler came home. Brent and I are not the same people we were three years ago. We have also grown and changed in so many ways. Tyler has taught us a great deal about unconditional love, strength of spirit, courage and joy. He has taught us to slow down a bit and enjoy life more. Tyler is an amazing child. He is such a gift and blessing to our family. I can't imagine life without him!

Happy Birthday, Ty Ty Bear!!