Nathaniel's Song

You know how certain things can trigger memories? Smelling cinnamon at Christmastime reminds me of family holidays when I was growing up. Hearing wind chimes reminds me of my Grandma's house. Watching "Hope Floats" reminds me of my friend Marcella.

For me, though, music is the strongest trigger. Sometimes I will hear a song on the radio that my dad used to sing to me when I was a child. Suddenly I am five years old again, standing on my dad's feet as he danced me around the kitchen while he sang to me. If I hear a song from my high school days I'm transported back to the Career Center during Marketing class with Ms. Boyd. And there's a certain Mindy McCready song that always reminds me of a guy I once thought I was in love with.

Today I heard Nathaniel's song. I never even realized he had a song until today. I was driving and it came on the radio and I was immediately overcome with emotion and memories.

It was a beautiful Fall afternoon in September, two years ago. The phone rang and it was Adoption STAR. I remember clearly the case worker introducing herself to me, as we had never met before. She explained that there was a baby boy born a couple of weeks previous and they were searching for an adoptive family. She told me all of his information -- he was a micro-preemie, born fifteen weeks early. He was very ill and they weren't 100% certain he would survive. Nevertheless, he needed a family and they were hoping we would consider adopting him. I can remember frantically writing everything down and hoping I wouldn't forget anything so I could repeat it all to Brent. I remember being totally speechless and trying to take it all in. And in my heart, I already knew this was our child.

While I was on the phone, Emmalee was watching "Piglet's Big Movie." This song was playing as I was learning all about our soon to be son. When I heard it again today, it brought back all the emotions, all the excitement and fear, all the joy. To me, this will forever be Nathaniel's song.

Prayers for Tyler

Tyler is having surgery in the morning to replace his g-tube. He's had the surgery before and the procedure itself doesn't scare me. I just hate having to put him through it at all. But, we know that the g-tube is necessary, especially for him to continue his chemo treatments. He is a brave boy and I'm sure he'll sail through with no trouble. He'll be inpatient at least one night, just to make sure there are no complications. Please say a little prayer for him.

Prayers are Answered

Hurry up and wait. That's how I feel lately. We seem to take one step closer to an answer only to fall two steps back.

There is good news, though. Actually, there is great, incredible, fantastic news. There is NOT yeast in Brent's blood! It took four lab techs at two hospitals but they are sure there is no yeast. I can't even explain what a relief this is. We found out yesterday that having yeast in your blood is extremely serious. On it's own, regardless of the original cause, it carries a 30 to 40% mortality rate. I'm not sure either Brent or I grasped the seriousness of it until they told us that. So finding out that it was not there was a feeling beyond relief. Once again we realize that prayers are heard and answered.

So, once again, we wait. They decided last night that since there was no yeast in his blood, and there aren't any test results back yet, he might as well come home. We are thankful. He is miserable but it is always easier to be miserable at home than in a hospital room. Besides, I may not be a great cook but I do a bit better than the hospital cafeteria. :)

We are praying that we will find out some results today. Some of the tests can take several days to come back. Some may be back today. I've got a phone attached to me at all times.

The day dawned bright and beautiful. A bit chilly but not in a bad way. The sky is blue and the sun is shining...a perfect Autumn morning. That alone gives me renewed hope. We'll take it one beautiful day at a time.

$1 Fundraiser

Well, as you can imagine, this whole thing with Brent being ill has taken a toll on our finances. He does receive disability pay but it is 60% of his regular pay. We are incredibly blessed that he has an amazing job and such awesome benefits.

My very sweet friend Kerri decided that she wanted to help. So she set me up with a Paypal donation button. If you can spare $1, that would be a huge help to our family!!

Thank you Kerri for your love and support!! We love you!

Brent Tuesday Update

Alright, here's what I know today. Brent spent yesterday in the ER and came home last night. They chose not to admit him. We were both surprised and apparently rightfully so. They called this morning and had us bring him back. There were some concerns in his blood cultures. One culture showed yeast. They aren't sure why his blood has yeast in it. Again, there is some underlying cause that no one seems to have an answer to.

We are thankful for the fact that the doctor called him back in. At least we finally feel like they are taking this seriously and working to get us an answer. Hopefully we should know something soon. They are finally taking active steps to come to a diagnosis.

Right now I am attempting to not let my imagination run wild. Attempting. It is hard not to worry. I have not allowed myself to go to Google. I'm not sure I'll get any answers anyway.

I just want answers that are real. I want something concrete and some sort of plan. My friend Amy gave me the greatest analogy today. She said that this whole situation is like being a swimmer that is stuck on the starting block. They put you up there and tell you to get ready and then leave you there. Then your legs start to cramp up and your back starts to hurt and you are just praying that someone will finally give you the okay to jump in and swim. You don't even care what stroke they want you to swim, as long as you can get in the water. Right now that's how I feel. We have been on the starting block for so long. It's time to start swimming. As long as we know what we're facing and what we can do, we'll be okay.

Thank you to everyone for your love and prayers and support. I can not imagine doing this without you. We are finding so much strength through others right now and we love each of you so much!

I'll update again when I know more.

Help Make Raymond's Birthday Magical

I recently read about a young man named Raymond. Raymond is nearly 19, his birthday is coming up this month. Raymond has developmental delays and therefore functions closer to the level of an eight year old. His amazing mom posted a wish on www.wishuponahero.com asking for birthday cards for Raymond's birthday. Raymond loves to get cards but they have very little family and his mom would love for him to get as many cards as possible.

Let's help make Raymond's wish come true. If you'd like to send a card, you can check out the wish HERE. Let me know and I can get you the mailing address.

Thanks!!

Brent CaringBridge

I decided to go ahead and create Brent a CaringBridge page of his own. That should make it easier to follow along on this journey while we try to figure out what is making him so ill.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/brentgardner

Thanks Sue!

While blog hopping tonight I clicked on my friend Sue's blog and found this post. I just had to share. Thank you, Sue!!!