Moving On.....

No doubt about it, I really should be sleeping. It is now 4:40 in the morning and I have my alarm set for 6:30. The movers will be here at 8:30. I still have things to pack up and get the children situated for the day. And yet, I simply can't sleep.

This is the last night in this house. The last time I will sit in my too small kitchen writing a blog post. The last time I will sleep in my too small bedroom. The last time I will wish we had more space, more bathrooms, bigger bedrooms. The last time I will complain about how much I hate hardwood floors. The Gardner family is moving on.

I am really excited about the new place. It has all the things this house doesn't -- larger bedrooms, a master bathroom, the laundry room on the upper level next to the bedrooms. It has carpet, a larger dining area for our table, a much quieter neighborhood, a double garage. Really, it is everything we want.

But this house......oh this too small house. I love this house. We have so many memories here. We have been here for four years.....four years today, in fact. Tyler had just turned two when we moved here and Emmalee was fifteen months. They were babies.

We knew right away the house was too small for us. We decided it would be fine for a year and at the end of our lease we would move on. And then life happened and we simply couldn't bring ourselves to leave the comfort of our little house.

I can't even begin to remember all the amazing events that have happened in this house. Tyler learned to walk here. Emmalee grew so much that she could finally see out the living room window. We got the call about Nathaniel in this house and we brought him home to this house. This is really the only house our children have ever known.

We've celebrated four Christmases, four anniversaries and several birthdays here. We had movie nights and friends over for dinner and had so much joy here. This house has become so much more than just a house. This house is now a home. And as much as I complain, as thankful as I am for all the things the new house has, I will truly miss this little home. I pray we can be as happy in our new house as we have been here.

Tyler

Tyler has his final bone marrow biopsy tomorrow morning. I can scarcely believe that we have completed two years of treatment already. In some ways it seems like only yesterday that we received the horrible news that Tyler had leukemia. In other ways it seems as though this two years has dragged on forever.

Tyler has been cancer free for quite some time. This is an incredible blessing! We are praying that his bone marrow will continue to be free of cancer and that this nightmare is truly behind us.

Please pray that Tyler will do well, that his bone marrow will be free of cancer and that Brent & I will have peace and comfort.

There will never be enough words to say thank you to each of you for your love and support over the past two years. Each one of you have been a blessing in our lives, have stood beside us and loved us. The love and support we have received have been essential in getting us through this. The prayers have been heard and felt. There is no way we could have done this without all of you!!

Please continue to pray for our little friends who are still fighting. Please pray for the families whose children have lost the battle.

We love you all!!

Happy 5th Birthday, Emmalee!

Five years ago today two incredible people made the decision to place their beautiful baby girl for adoption. Not a day goes by that we don't think of them, pray for them and thank our Heavenly Father for the awesome miracle of adoption! We are truly thankful to be Emmalee's parents and we will always love you R & M.

Emma-Ism

Last night Emmalee, Nathaniel and I trekked out to the urgent care so we could all be seen by the doctor. We are feeling lousy. Anyway, Nate fell asleep in my arms and Emmalee looked over at him and lovingly said, "poor Nate, his batteries ran down."

Oh Emmalee!

I love the funny things that girl says. She sure makes us laugh!

Emmalee was awake in the middle of the night a few nights ago. I happened to be sleeping on the couch because I've had a horrible cold and couldn't stop coughing. She came out to the living room and snuggled up with me. She asked me to tell her a story. There's one she really likes. It is "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" as told by Iza Trapani. (Incidentally, if you've never heard of Iza Trapani, you simply must check her out.)

At any rate, I recited the story for Em. The last line talks about the spider resting in the sun. In the book, the spider is wearing sun glasses and relaxing on her web. I told Emmalee how cool it would be if spiders really wore sunglasses and relaxed like that. She got very offended and said "Mom, you know nothing about nature!"

I love you, Emmalee!

Nate The Great

My friend Shelly did some cute pics of Nate. He was less enthusiastic than Emmalee but I LOVE them. The first one is my favorite. :)

Beautiful Emmalee

My amazing friend Shelly took these pictures. I am in love with them. I love how she was able to capture Emmalee's personality. I love that they are fun and unique. She is going to do some of Tyler in April and I can't wait! Thanks again, Shelly!

The End Is In Sight

It seems impossible but we are near the end of Tyler's treatment. Tyler started his next to last cycle on Friday. We started week 103 on Friday and we have just about six weeks to go. He has six weeks of meds left and then he will have a final bone marrow biopsy and spinal tap. He will also have a couple more surgeries, one for his Mic-E button and one for his undescended testicles. The end is truly close.

On March 2, it was two years since the official diagnoses of leukemia. I have been trying to think back to all that has happened in our little family in that two years. There have been multiple hospital stays, infections and surgeries for Tyler, multiple hospital stays for Brent, two broken ankles and three ankle surgeries for me, a hospital stay and surgery for Nathaniel, personal struggles for Emmalee, constant stress and fear and worry. And yet, through it all, we have stayed strong.

We have realized time and time and time again that it is not a coincidence that we, the five of us, are a family. Together we have been tested and yet we have persevered. Our children, despite overwhelming circumstances, have thrived.

Tyler has met so many milestones this past two years. He learned to walk, his language skills are getting better all the time, he started kindergarten and he has shown everyone around him what it means to be strong!

Emmalee has had a tough time. She has had to put her own desires aside many times in order to allow us to take care of her brothers. And yes, there are times that she gets frustrated and upset, but for the most part she is patient, kind and understanding. She has learned greater compassion. She also now knows that she wants to be a doctor when she grows up.

Nathaniel continues to amaze us every day. He has also learned to walk. He started going to school this past fall and has changed so much. He is the sweetest little boy and we are so thankful that he is part of our family!

Many people have asked us over the past two years how we do it. How we stay strong despite our crazy circumstances. And the answer is simple. We couldn't have done it without a whole lot of help. I could never name all the people who have stood beside us through these past two years. Many are people we will never know. We have always had help with childcare, meals, Christmas gifts, surprises for us and the kids, random gifts of cash and other items, gift cards, phone calls, emails, hugs and so many prayers. Our family, friends, church family, cancer support group CURE and even strangers have made it possible for us to get through this.

And how do I even begin to talk about the incredible medial care Tyler has received? His doctors, nurses, child life specialists, home care nurse, patient care techs, social workers......how do we begin to thank them for saving our child? There simply aren't words.

I think the single most important lesson I have learned over the past two years is that we can not get through life alone. Heavenly Father put us on this earth together for a reason. He has sent earthly angels to help us through our trials. What an incredible blessing!

So now as we face the end of Tyler's treatment journey, we ask that you continue to pray. Pray that this truly is the end, that the cancer does not come back and that this amazing little boy will be able to go on and live a long, happy life. Pray that Brent and I will be able to have some peace, that we will not live in constant fear and worry and that we will be able to look back on the past two years as a gift and not a burden. And pray for all the others who must still fight this monster we call cancer.

Every year more than 10,000 children are diagnosed with cancer. This means that thousands and thousands of parents, grandparents, siblings and friends are affected by this horrible disease. Cancer isn't just about the child. Every single person that child knows and loves becomes involved. Please pray for all of these children. Several of them are children we have come to know and love as they have fought right alongside Tyler. Some have lost their battle and some continue to fight. Please pray for all of them.

We love each of you so very much. Thank you will never begin to express how we feel. Together we have fought and together we have overcome.

Confession

I have a confession to make. I miss Arizona. I miss family and friends and warmth and I really miss our house. I miss going outside in January without a jacket, wearing flip flops on my feet. I miss having windows open and smelling the citrus blossoms. I miss not worrying about the next big snowstorm.

I only say this now because it is the beginning of March and the winter here seems so long to me. I love the change of seasons. I love how green it is here in the spring and summer and the beautiful jewel tones of fall. I even love the snow, for awhile.

However, when it is really cold and dreary, gray and cold, I miss Arizona. I do not feel this way from May to November. I think I would be a perfect snowbird. Yet another dream for when we magically win the lotto.

Home!!!

We are home! Oh, how I love that word. Emmalee put it best. "Momma, we're a whole family again." How right she is.

Ty was released yesterday afternoon. The final decision was to not put in any type of line, including a PICC. Everyone agrees that Tyler is not a great candidate for a PICC simply because he is so rough on things and would likely pull it out. I honestly can't imagine him leaving a PICC alone. So for now, he will get the remainder of his Methotrexate as a shot each week. The last two doses of Vincristine will be done in clinic, via an IV placed by the nurses. He will go into the lab each week and have a finger poke to do his bloodwork. Given how close we are to the end of treatment, this seems to be the best possible plan.

Tyler tolerated the IV Vanco well until he finally lost his IV on Wednesday. They decided not to place another one and instead switched him to high dose oral Bactrim for five more days. Provided he has an uneventful weekend, (knock on wood,) he can return to school on Monday.

All in all, things are going well. Thank you to everyone for your love, prayers and continued support!

Update from Hotel Strong

Good Morning!

Ty is still at Hotel Strong. Removing the medi-port was a fairly simple procedure and he did great. He was pretty cranky afterwards but he has been fine since.

Now they're just trying to come up with a plan. They have tossed around the idea of putting in a PICC line. Honestly, Brent and I just don't see that working well for him. I really don't think he would leave it alone. They just don't know what to do at this point. The team was just here but they are going to consult with Dr. Bruckner since she is his primary oncologist. For now, we'll just have to wait and see. He only has three cycles of chemo left which is good but he also has to do some IV antibiotics.

I'll update again when I know more. Please continue to keep him in your prayers.

Please pray for Brent also. He has several new sores and he is in a great deal of pain. He is trying to work and take care of the other kids while Tyler and I are here. He could sure use the extra prayers.

To Emmalee's Future Children

I just had the most hilarious conversation with Emmalee. She said that when she grows up and is the mom, she will get to decide what foods her children will eat. I asked her what she will feed them and she said slime. Why slime? Because she doesn't want them to grow big because she wants them to stay babies so that's all she ever has to take care of. What a little goose!! She asked me if I have a recipe for slime and I told her no. She was disappointed but said that's okay, she'll make her own recipe when she's the mom.

Don't worry, future grandchildren, when you come to my house, I promise not to feed you slime!

Hotel Strong

Good Morning....this comes from our favorite "vacation" spot, Hotel Strong. :(

Last night when I went to de-access Tyler's medi-port, I noticed that the skin around the dressing looked red. Sometimes this happens from the tape so I didn't really think too much of it. Then I took the needle out. It instantly gushed nasty, greenish/yellow pus. Not good. I realized right away that his port was probably infected and given his MRSA history, I didn't want to take any chances. I called the hem/onc answering service and Dr. Norman called back right away. She had me bring him into the ED and from there he was admitted. They took him into surgery about an hour ago to remove the medi-port. For now they are not going to replace it. They want to make sure the infection is gone first.

No idea how long he'll have to be here. I'm guessing it may be awhile considering the fact that without the medi-port, I really can't do IV antibiotics at home. I guess we'll just wait and see.

I'm just praying we caught it early enough that it hasn't spread throughout his system. His blood counts looked pretty good, considering, and he wasn't really running a fever.

That's pretty much what I know for now. I'll update again as I know more. Thanks for the love and prayers!

Think it will work?

Dear Winter-

If I use my sweetest, gentlest voice and ask you very nicely, using all the magic words, will you please, please, please go away? I don't mean to be rude. Really. And don't think that I don't love you at all. Because I do. In December. During Christmas. But now it is almost the end of February. You have had your fun. You came, you snowed, (a lot!) you froze us to death, your winds have blown, we have shoveled, scraped, slipped, spread ice melt and endured day after day of gray skies. And now we'd like to ask you, ever so kindly, to leave, flee, vamoose, cease and desist, depart, withdraw, wrap-up, exit, do not pass go, do not collect your $200. In other words, GET OUT!!!

With Kindest Regards,

~Jodie

PS - Don't worry, I'll be ready to see you again in November.

Proof

Here is proof that --

A. I do exist

B. I own other clothing besides sweat pants and pajamas

C. I actually do shower and fix my hair once in awhile