What Were They Thinking??

Do our children have no role models left? I am beyond disgusted by a news story on the Today Show regarding Miley Cyrus. Although Emmalee isn't old enough to watch Hannah Montana yet, she still knows who that is and recognizes Miley Cyrus in pictures. So imagine my frustration when they showed a half naked Miley from a picture taken for Vanity Fair magazine. Emmalee knew right away that it was "Hannah Tanna." Obviously this is not the type of role model I want for Emmalee. This just adds to the long line of celebrities who are letting our children down. My other issue with this is the fact that her parents allowed her to take such a photo. Honestly....what were they thinking?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24342953/

Happy Birthday, Emmalee!

Emmalee celebrated her third birthday on April 6. We had a family party for her that day but decided to wait until Tyler could attend to have her party at Chuck E Cheese. She was thrilled to finally have her Chuck E Cheese party yesterday. She is one loved little girl!!

Make a scrapbook - it's easy!

Catch Up!

I have neglected my blog for so long, for obvious reasons. Life has been beyond crazy these past few weeks. The good news, though, is that Tyler is doing well. We are so thankful for all the calls, emails, cards, phone calls and visits we have received. People have brought gifts and food. We have had help from so many, especially child care for Emmalee and Nathaniel. We have also had countless prayers said for Tyler and for our family. We know that it is the prayers and faith of so many that have gotten us through. There are simply no words to express our gratitude. Although we know that this journey is not going to be easy, we know we can make it because of the love and support we have from each of you. Thank you!

Tyler

Thanks to all our blogging friends who have mentioned Tyler on their blog. You can keep up with Tyler on his Caringbridge site...

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/tylergardner

Interesting News Story

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/health/2008/04/05/rowlands.down.syndrome.cnn

Bonus Time!

We got some good news yesterday. We have a few bonus days at home. Tyler was scheduled to go in this morning for his next round of chemo, the G-Tube, bone marrow biopsy and lumbar puncture. But, because there was a problem scheduling the anesthesiologist, they are switching him to Monday. Hooray! We are thrilled to have three more days at home. I know he will be so glad to have the weekend with his Daddy.

Ty is starting to perk up a little at a time. I know he still hurts and is still very weak. But, every so often, his personality shines through a little. He is not as sleepy as he was the first few days. He crawled a little yesterday and that was great to see. He is using his signs a little more and even used his voice a couple of times yesterday. Slowly but surely he is starting to feel better. I hope next weeks hospital stay doesn't set him back too much.

Tupperware Fundraiser

The kindness of others never ceases to amaze me. My friend Teri has a good friend named Jeana. Jeana is a Tupperware rep. When she heard about Tyler, she took it upon herself to organize a fundraiser in Tyler's benefit. It is an online Tupperware party. Jeana is not taking any profit from this party and is working to raise funds to help us with some of the expenses. We are so very touched by her kindness and generosity.
If you are interested in purchasing any Tupperware to help us raise funds for our expenses, you can go to this link -
http://order.tupperware.com/coe/app/eparty.open_parties?fv_item_category_code=48000
The current party closes on April 2 but Jeana said if there is further interest, she will open it again. Thank you so much!!

Homeward Bound

After one month and two days, we are finally headed home from the hospital. Soooo thankful that I get to sleep in my own bed tonight, with my husband and ALL of our little ones. Ty will be back in the hospital on Friday for five to seven days. After that, there are no "scheduled" hospital stays. Thanks to everyone for all the emails, calls, cards, visits, etc. Thanks especially for all the prayers. Please keep the prayers coming. We're just at the start of this very long journey.

Please Pray for Rhett

We have a blogging buddy named Rhett. :) Rhett also has Down syndrome...some of you may recall my pleas for prayers in behalf of Rhett before. Well, Rhett needs our prayers again. He is having surgery tomorrow and his family is asking for extra prayers. Please visit his blog here and say a little prayer for him. Then spread the word. :)

Grains of Gratitude

I'm not going to lie, I wasn't feeling much like posting this tonight. But, as I sat here thinking, I realized that despite the utter chaos our lives are in right now, I do have much to be grateful for. I have come to realize in my life that focusing on my blessings can make the difficult things seem smaller. So, here goes....

1. I am grateful that Brent and I are married. I can't tell you how much that man means to me. There simply aren't words. He is my soul mate, my best friend and my eternal companion. He is the greatest Daddy to these beautiful kiddos of ours. He is committed, compassionate and simply incredible. I can't imagine doing any of this -- the good and the bad -- with anyone else.

2. I am grateful that Tyler is receiving such wonderful care. He is in a fantastic hospital with a wonderful team of doctors and nurses caring for him. I have no doubt that he is in the best place he could be.

3. I am grateful that we live within five minutes of the hospital. I have met several families who live long distances from here and have to sacrifice so much to be with their child. What a blessing it is that we are so close and that we can both be involved with Tyler's care.

4. I am grateful that my mom has been here to help out. She has been here for a week and will be here until next Sunday. I so wish her visit were under different circumstances but it is such a blessing that she is able to be here now, helping with the kids, etc.

5. I am grateful that I have been able to spend time with Emmalee and Nathaniel each day. I miss them so much when I am at the hospital and it has been nice that I get to go home each evening and spend time with them. Plus I stayed home all weekend and it was great to be home with them.

6. I am grateful that we are half-way through this month of in-patient treatment.

7. I am especially grateful for Tyler. There simply aren't words to describe how incredible he is. He is strong in ways I can't even comprehend. He loves unconditionally and even through all of this, his perfect spirit shines through. It is an incredible privilege to be his mommy.

8. I am grateful to all of our family and friends for your prayers, love, support, cards, emails, phone calls, gifts, visits, meals....the list goes on. There is simply no way we could get through this without all of you!

Adoption Is A Miracle!

Two of my dearest friends have adopted in the past week or so. Teri, Howie, Nicki and Gabi welcomed home baby Ellie. She was born this past Friday.

Shawn, Sue and Alex welcomed home baby Cullen. He was born on Tuesday.

The most amazing thing about this is that Teri and Sue have been friends since Gabi and Alex were tiny. The girls were both adopted through Adoption STAR, (our same adoption agency,) and were born just a couple months apart. They are best friends. Now they have Ellie and Cullen, born just a few days apart. It is just incredible how adoption has brought these families together.

I am so blessed to know them also and to have them as my friends.

Congrats again, Teri and Sue! We love you all!!

Website For Tyler

I have set up a new website for Tyler so everyone can keep up with his progress. It is http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/tylergardner

Our New Reality

Cancer. Cancer is our new reality. Our simple life is gone. Our child has cancer. Leukemia, to be specific. Tyler has leukemia. There. I said it and didn't even cry that time. I said it without breaking down and sobbing. Our perfect, beautiful, happy little boy has leukemia. Our lives will forever be changed. I know more about leukemia today that I ever thought possible. And yet, this is just the beginning. We've only just scratched the surface. There are still many, many unknowns. The biggest unknown of all is why. Why did this happen? Why did this sweet, innocent child develop this horrible disease? Why?

And so it begins. This new reality. This horrible, awful, wish-it-were-a-dream reality. So much for not sobbing.

The Invisible Mom

My cousin Amy sent this to me today. I have seen it before but when it came today, I cried. Thanks for reminding me that I am a good Mom, Amy!! To all you amazing Mom's out there, this is for you!

I AM INVISIBLE

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and asks to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone,or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Come right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime, because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.' As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

What a Difference A Day Makes!

Here's my sweet little Tyler yesterday, hanging out with the sister missionaries. So happy, so carefree. No sign of what was to come last night and today.

Here's my sweet Tyler today. He is sick. Really, really sick. He was awake most of the night last night fussing, crying, miserable. He finally got a couple hours of sleep but when he woke this morning, he was worse. He had a fever, was lethargic and pale. I called the doctor who, thankfully, got him in right away. Diagnosis? The flu. Gee, so glad we all got the non-effective flu shot this year. I was praying this wasn't going to be the diagnosis. Afterall, an ear infection, strep throat, etc. is treatable with antibiotics. The flu is not. It has to run its course for who knows how long. It has to hang out, making my baby miserable. He hurts so bad that he won't move, won't use his arms, won't crawl. It's not that he can't move, use his arms or crawl -- he just won't. And who can blame him? He is in agony.

I hate seeing my children ill. It breaks my heart. I wish I could take it all away and make it all better. I wish with all my heart that a kiss really could heal. I wish no child had to go through these things.

Please say a little prayer for Tyler. Also, please pray that Emmalee and Nathaniel don't get ill as well. I don't think my heart could handle seeing any more of my children in such pain.